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UNIT IV - LIFE EXPEDITION
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Section - 34
Special Priority:
THE TOP TEN LISTS
Section - 34a
Purposes
I think everyone serves several different purposes for existing here on Earth. I have found that it's important to prioritize; otherwise it's very easy to loose sight of the most important. Some of these are by my own choice and some of them have been chosen for me.
(1) My primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
(2) Cause a positive influence in the realm of reality.
(3) Maintain gainful employment as to produce enough earnings to survive.
(4) Do things that have never been done before.
(5) Notice the things that have been completely overlooked.
(6) Question pop-culture.
(7) Question authority, cause authority, and be an authority.
(8) Mesmerize an audience though speaking.
(9) Maintain an influence over the World Wide Web.
(10) Progress towards perfection, nothing less.
Section - 34b
Financial Fantasies
I wonder what successful authors actually do with their money. If I were to ever have enough money to do the things I dream of, the following list would be just a beginning:
(1) I've always wanted to be a professional philanthropist.
(2) I'd like to give a scholarship to a certain aspiring individual who wants and needs to go to college.
(3) I'd like to buy an old classic car and restore it to perfect condition.
(4) I would like to go back to college and earn a Ph.D.
(5) Since I owe my life to the people in the fellowship that helped me recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body (addiction), I wish I could give some money back to them.
(6) I think I need to make financial amends to both of my parents.
(7) I still owe Heather, my ex-girlfriend, $500 for getting in an accident with her car.
(8) I would purchase inexpensive areas of the inner-city that have suffered decades of urban blight and fix up the homes and/or build new residential housing and businesses.
(9) I would buy a new home rather than rent space from my family.
(10) I would spend some money on creating anonymous, eccentric, and tangible art to be placed in remote or secluded areas for the rare passerby to ponder while on their journey.
Monograph - 35
Thoughts on Living:
QUINTESSENTIAL CLICHÉS
Section - 35a
Resentments
If you've been handed the short end of the stick, don't hold on to it for very long. You better let go! I spent a lot of my time feeling resentment towards society because I felt that my environment negatively influenced me. For a long time, I held society accountable for my addiction and sexuality crisis. It's true that I may have been handed the short end of the stick, and it's true that my environment could have influenced me in a negative way. But I'm the one that has to remember someone caused those people to be that way before they passed it on to me. The only control I have over the matter of my environmental influences is to break the cycle.
To hold a grudge (a resentment) is the worst soul-sickness a person can posses. The resentment will cause more problems for the individual holding the grudge than it will for the person for which the resentment is being held against. For the spiritual individual, it's obvious that forgiveness for even the worst trespass is essential to emotional serenity. But especially for those who live a secular, non-religious, life it is important to realize the power of forgiveness. Only the one that holds the grudge feels the pain.
Revenge offers temporary relief to our anger but those who constantly seek revenge begin a vicious cycle within their own life. The Power that runs this universe somehow seems to single out the individual who seeks revenge as someone who will pay the price with the eventual dilemma of even more resentments in the future. What goes around comes around, so any time we try to impose our own will on what comes around, we throw off a delicate balance. Those who know and those who grow are those who forgive.
Section - 35b
Popularity and Fame
If it seems way too good to be true, it's usually a very poor attempt at a scam. If aliens really fly past our planet, they sure don't seem very interested in most of us. It's important to plan, to dream, and to fantasize, but when we are attempting to outright con another human being for our own desires for attention or fame, we will ultimately pay a high price in the long run.
Some people are famous but not popular while others are popular but not famous, yet some are both and some are neither. Patience, insight, and understanding takes one much further in life than intelligence, pride, and being understood.
Imperfection in all human beings is vital for it's the cause of individuality, creativity, and spontaneity. It's OK to let other people be wrong. It's OK to let myself be wrong as long as I promptly admit I'm wrong, and I think about how I can do things differently the next time something similar happens.
Section - 35c
Time and Making a Difference
If you're always thinking about the past or always worrying about the future, you've forgotten all about today. Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once. Our time here may be finite. Always leave a place a little bit better than it was when you came upon it. Or, at least leave the place a little bit different than it was when you came upon it. I rarely pass up the opportunity to pick up a single piece of litter even when the whole sidewalk is covered in litter. I know I'll never change the world but I can help make a positive difference in one person's life, and nobody knows if that one person will be the one that does change the world. I may have to exterminate a thousand ants from my home but to spare one ant's life by placing it outside makes a difference to that ant. A lot of what I've just said can be interpreted as figurative but it's also very literal to me. A pessimist may say my theory is equivalent to spitting in the ocean and expecting the water level to rise. It's not so much the expectation that has to be the end result. It's more important to consider the unknown possibilities of these types of actions. We must consider the reality of the fact that the smaller things fit somewhere into the 'bigger picture'. The domino effect that such actions can produce is phenomenal. To me, there is definitely the larger purpose in life such as helping another alcoholic recover, working on a career, or raising a family, but it's the smaller things in life that really do make the difference in our daily existence. All too frequently we never take the time to think about them.
I never pass up the opportunity to write my initials and the date in some wet cement. People decades later will wonder who it was and what the times were like long ago. Like I mentioned in an earlier monograph, I never pass up the opportunity to pick up a hitch-hiker. The benefits of such an action far outweigh the risk. The impression we can make or take from an individual will only occupy a few minutes of our time but this impression may last a lifetime. Each of us can and will make a difference whether we know it or not. Individually, it's up to each of us what kind of difference we want to make during the time, which has been allotted to us.
Section - 35d
Secrets
There are a lot of people with a façade personality, but there is always someone real underneath with true feelings and honest emotions. Usually, we would rather look good than feel good. We would rather be physically healthy than mentally healthy. We hold secrets rather than to confess them to our most trusted friend, mentor, or clergy-person. The truth is, we are only as sick as our secrets. I'm not saying we should tell the world our name and broadcast all our secrets. What I mean is that we should be able to honestly say there is no secret that we are holding from everyone deep down within. There are no secrets we should take to the grave. I could die today and sincerely say I wouldn't be taking even one secret to the grave with me. I think this fact is one of the only things that enabled me to stay out of mental hospitals, prisons, or permanent alcohol addiction.
Monograph - 36
A Solid Synopsis:
PERSONAL ACCOUNT
I'm sure some people have tried to guess how old I am now or at what age I was when I wrote some of the preceding sections and monographs. Some may wonder what part of the country I'm from or what I look like. I'm sure there are a lot of other questions about how I came upon some of the situations I described. I think the notion of anonymity is a fascinating circumstance. It leaves so much up to the imagination of the reader.
The answer to my alcohol problem is relatively simple. It's not easy but it's simple enough for anyone to accomplish. First and foremost is the fact that I couldn't stop drinking unless I stopped drinking. Once I stopped drinking for a whole day, all I had to do was the same thing again tomorrow. But the trick to this whole quitting drinking process is to surround myself with other people who have the same line of thinking. I notice I'm not drinking as long as I either have my hand out to reach for help or I am putting my hand out for someone who asks for help.
The sexuality issue is much more complex. There is no simple answer. Religious idealists will tell me to accept one deity or another while psychotherapists will encourage me to accept myself the way I am, no matter what. But what if I don't know what I am yet? Sexuality is the most baffling dilemma I can imagine. Nevertheless, I admit it is interesting if I take a step back and look at everything I have experienced.
What about this idea of God or a Higher Power? I want to believe in God. Anyone who wants to believe in God has the willingness to begin. Therefore, one who wants to believe in God is not an atheist. Do any of us have the 100% faith necessary for a guaranteed eternal spiritual foundation? Everyone I talk to has a different perception of religion, God, and what is wrong. No single person can be 100% correct. In my opinion, it was meant to be that way.
Interestingly, authentic atheists have been given the free will to prove, in their own mind, that there is no God. Our Creator has actually given us the ability to present evidence for argument that He or It does not exist. Without those who say a supreme Creator does not exist, the rest of us would never be aware of the ability to inversely have faith in a Creator. More simply stated, without black at one end of the spectrum, there would be no white at the other end. Without the bad and negative, there would be no good and positive. This is my basis for the belief that it is necessary for bad things to happen in our world and in our lives. Otherwise, we would not appreciate nor have any knowledge of the good.
Maybe I'm not supposed to see the bigger picture or the whole plan. Maybe I'm just supposed to do the next right thing and trust my conscience. We all have that inner-conscience that can help us determine the difference between right and wrong. Yet, when comes to issues like sexuality and love, it's a difficult call. I think my best bet right now is to be non-judgmental of others and their actions regarding sex and love.
I've heard some people say that God speaks through people. I guess that would mean that every culture, or every individual for that matter, has a different concept of who or what God is. I have a feeling there is a God somewhere out there, but I wonder what God really thinks of me so far. Please be patient, God isn't finished with me yet.
The passion for life that I expressed in the early monographs of the first unit continues to this day. They seem to become more profound over time. Once I think I've heard everything and seen it all, something comes along that takes me so far out of my own mind and my old ways of thinking that it has to be documented in my journal. Life is an ongoing lesson. So many times we forget what we have learned by living. All too often we trip over the same stone twice. Journalizing is an excellent way to reflect and remember life.
Immediately after I write something, I go through a short stage where I think it's profoundly wonderful. Then, I go through a stage where I question what I wrote and wonder if it's really wise or important to write about after all. Then, after several years, I look back and become nostalgic about what I wrote. I end up with a feeling of gratitude that I didn't tear it up when I was going through the stage of questioning whether it was worthwhile to write about. It shows me how easy it is to see how much I've changed and learned since it was written. I can relive the sentimental good-old-days through loosing myself in reading. This is true for the bad things, the good things, the embarrassing things, the confusion, the conflict, the curiosity, the experimentation, the observation, the discovery, the hard lessons learned, the philosophy, and the gratitude.
Although I left in a few typos for the sake of realism, I do like to try to follow the rules of English grammar because English is such a striking language. However, there are a couple of things I cannot accept. Fist of all, the word "whom" is quite annoying. I think it needs to go down the toilet altogether. Secondly, there seems to be a big illogical misconception about the words "laying" and "layed". Well, if I'm laying, I'm not usually lying. And if I layed, I'm not always laid. I have several other opinions about how English should be written, as you may have noticed. I suppose everyone has their own personal protests about language. What are your complaints?
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Monograph - 37
Observation of a Milestone:
9-11-01
On September 11, 2001, it was about nine o'clock in the morning as I watched a very dramatic event unfold on an emergency television news bulletin. But many years ago, I was a young boy when I went to visit New York City for the first time. While on summer vacation from school, I remember taking a bus trip with my parents to the Megalopolis. I can't remember how long the bus ride was, but I suppose it must have seemed very long to me because I was so young. Yet, I recall being wide-eyed with interest and awe throughout the whole trip. I always thought a place like New York was very far away, until I realized that it couldn't be. On a round planet, you can only go so far away. If you travel far enough, you'll get to a point where you will be on your way back home again. However, it was not in my capacity to understand that the nation and the world are not limitless. In fact, this particular trip caused me to have a sense that the world was definitely infinite. I remember three things that gave me evidence for the theory that the world went on forever.
First, I remember getting off the bus somewhere in the depths of Manhattan. We examined maps that showed the street and train systems of the city. The intricate layout of the city is more than any single human being can comprehend in detail. Streets continued right off the map. The train lines did not end but showed arrows pointing to the direction in which they continued. It was overwhelming just to look at what appeared to be an infinite summary of the city. I didn't know there was an actual and distinct end to the expanse of such a large place.
Second, I recall standing next to the Statue of Liberty and looking east, over the ocean. It seemed like it just went on forever. I thought the only thing that prevented me from seeing farther was the limitations of my own eyes. I did not realize that the curvature of the Earth's surface does prevent one from seeing past a certain point.
Third, I remember visiting the World Trade Center Twin Towers. As I looked out the window of the 110th floor, I was absolutely convinced that the country I lived in was never-ending, immeasurable, and forever free for all who wanted to experience such monumental creation. After my tour on the top floor of the tower, I exited the building and layed down on the sidewalk outside to peer upward. I could not see where the top of the building ended. It just looked like it went on forever. I couldn't understand how it could look like it goes on forever when I knew I was just up there at the top of it a few minutes ago. My mother said, "Get up off that sidewalk. It's filthy."
Although I could not express it at the time, I now know that young boys who ponder the limitations of the universe (as they question the role of our nation in the world) while they struggle with their own autonomy are not concerned about getting dirty from laying on 'filthy' sidewalks. I asked my mother to let me take a picture with our camera. I know she only agreed to amuse me with an "OK, fine" response because we were in public. She didn't want to make more of a scene by scolding me for the scene I was already creating. While laying down, I took a picture of the building that appeared to go on forever as it looked like it really scraped the sky. Today, I still have that picture and everything it represents. The building is no longer there due to an unfortunate act of war. There is no way I can do anything to restore the national tourist treasure or the lives that were lost in the incident. However, the sidewalk is still there and it's still filthy. Figuratively speaking, I can do something about that. Tables turn and lessons learn.
Appendix - Suggested Readings and Resources:
The Open Directory Project - http://dmoz.org © 1998-2001
Dr. Grohol's Psych Central Website - http://psychcentral.com/grohol.htm
© 1995-2001
Sociology by Ian Robertson: Worth Publishers, New York. © 1983
Psychology Today by Bootzin, Bower, Crocker, and Hall: McGraw-Hill, New York. © 1991
A New Pair of Glasses by "Chuck C.": New Look Publishing Co., Irvine, California. ©1984
Adolescence by Eastwood Atwater: Prentice Hall, Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey. © 1998
The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex: What You Must Know to Be Sexually Literate by The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction: St. Martin's Press, New York. ©1990
The World Almanac and Book of Facts 2000: Primedia Reference, Mahwah, New Jersey © 1999
The Merck Manual of Medical Information: Home Edition: Merck Research Laboratories, Whitehouse Station, New Jersey. © 1997
With Good Reason by S. Morris Engles: St. Martin's Press, New York. © 1994
JackinWorld: The Ultimate Masturbation Resource - http://www.jackinworld.com © 1997-2001
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